"You want to know, Carter! You really want to know? Then I'll tell you. I am mad at you. I'm mad
because you make me feel things. Things I don't want to feel. Things I want to run from. I can't
breathe right when you're near. I can't think straight and it scares me because what I'm feeling I
shouldn't be. My brain says one thing but my heart says another. I don't look at you the same as I used
to. I look at you and my head spins. It spins me into a place I have no business being. It makes me
want things that can't happen."
Carter backed away from her realizing what her words meant. She sat down on the sofa and put her
face in her hands. Moments passed and Carter's heart was beating out of his chest. He asked her
quietly.
"What can't you feel, Casey? What can't happen?"
He hoped in all his heart that the answer she was going to give was the one he waited for so long to
hear.
She laughed and looked up at him. "I can't love you Carter."
The air rushed out of lungs and he hitched back a gasp. He ran up to her and grabbed her by her
arms and pulled her up off the sofa towards him. He shook her sharply.
"You can't love me? Are you really saying that? You look at me and tell me, damn it, Casey cause
let me tell you something. Let me make this clear. I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you.
Dancing around with your friends. You captured me like a net. I struggled to get out but it was too late. I
was in deep. Even when I fucked up and we became friends. You were all I saw when I was with
someone. Your face. Your sweetface. You invaded every space in my mind for the past nine years. You
are like a drug, but your good for me. I'm addicted to you. My heart aches when I'm not with you."
M.R. Joseph has
rediscovered one of her first loves...Reading. After being a devoted wife and
mother for the past 12 years she decided to take some "me time" and
get lost in the world of books. After reading her 20th of the summer, she
realized that she could do this. She could write a book. In between being a mom
and taxi to swim and gymnastics practices, she began her writing process. Music
has always been a big part of her life so it became an integral part of her
writing. You can always find her dancing in the kitchen with her kids and
singing in the car along to the radio. Writing has been a labor of love and she
hopes and prays that it will continue. M.R. lives in the suburbs of
Philadelphia with the love of her life and her two beautiful kids.
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